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Paintball Hell, Sutton, Alaska. Labor Day Scenario Game, September 2007


"I think we should go this way. I can't fit my gun through the trees that direction".


"I bet there's somebody in those trees. I feel like I'm being watched."


The field required "barrel tagging" instead of close-range shots or "bunker" moves. Some players decided that this,
too, was where technology could help them gain range and accuracy.


"Hey guys, I could use a little cover fire. Guys? ... hello?"


"Do you hear banjos?"


Haven't you ever seen a Tippmann bush before?


"Who put this tree here?"


"Sure, there's two dozen reds in there, but we can take 'em! You with me Bob? ... Bob?"


Dave Youngblood is alive and well and playing woodsball in Alaska.




"Was that the ice cream truck? Yo, Joey! Grab me a push-up, wouldya?"


"'Defend this installation at all costs!' he said. 'Sure thing, sir!' I said, 'I'll be happy to throw away
my life for your dirty washtub, sir!' I said. I never wanted to be a sargeant anyway..."


"Now that I have my gun all camoed out, they'll never spot me!"


"I was pretty sure I left the rest of my squad around here somewhere."


Lester suffers from a rare type of OCD, and finds he has to personally greet and introduce himself to every tree he uses for cover during a game.


Something tells me Sandman fell asleep during the class on "cover and concealment" in Basic Training.


"I can't get any lower! The dirt is in the way!"


"Radio?" Check. "LBE vest?" Check. "Extra paint?" Check. "CO2 tank refilled?" Che... oh, wait a minute...


"Sir! The tree has been secured, sir! I repeat, the tree is secure!"




"I said 'are you red!' I don't care who you voted for!"


You hide behind the trees you have, not the trees you want.


"We're not 'retreating', it's a strategic withdrawl!"


"Hey guys, somebody from the Blaze Orange team is trying to flank us, and I don't think he even has a gun!"


"Screw the orders. I say we shoot the hostages and go join the firefight!"


This week's helpful hint: Camoflage tends to work better when the subject is not brightly lit by the sun.


This is Miss July from the upcoming Soldier of Fortune 2008 "Geeks with Guns" pin-up calendar.


"We had to paint the village in order to save it."


Apparently Hal Jordan has taken up paintball.

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Farcical names, jokes about players and jokes about players' mothers are all in good fun. No harm intended.